Hello, my dear teens!Your teacher calls you to answer a question in class. Before you even open your mouth, a voice in your head says, “Don’t bother. You will get it wrong. You are not the smart one.” So you say, “I don’t know,” and sit down. But deep inside, you did know the answer.
Who told you that you are “not the smart one”? Often, it is a voice you have been listening to for so long that you think it is the truth.
That voice is part of your self concept.
First, you are not born with a fixed picture of yourself…Think of a photo album on your phone. Over the years, it collects pictures: the good ones, the embarrassing ones, the ones other people took of you. Your self concept is like that album in your mind. It is built from what you have experienced, what people have said about you, and what you have repeated to yourself. And just like an album, you can add new pictures.
So what is self concept? Self concept is the way you see and describe yourself: “I am shy,” “I am good at drawing,” “I am not a maths person,” “I am the troublesome one in my family.” It covers your abilities, your character, your looks, and your place among people. It has two parts: What you think about yourself: “I am creative,” or “I am slow.” How you feel about those thoughts: proud, ashamed, confident, or afraid. This feeling part is often called self-esteem.
Two extremes to avoid
“I am nothing.” Seeing only your weaknesses makes you shrink, stay quiet, and avoid chances that could help you grow.
“I am better than everyone.” Hiding your insecurities behind pride makes it hard to accept correction or learn from others.
The middle path: know your strengths, admit your weak areas, and remember that both can change.
Why is this so hard at your age?Because this is the season of “Who am I?” Your body is changing, your opinions are forming, and you are suddenly very aware of how others see you. Add social media, with its filters and perfect lives, and it is easy to compare your real life with everyone else’s highlights. Feeling unsure about yourself at this age is not weakness. It is part of growing, and understanding it helps you grow well.
Try this today Take a piece of paper and write three true things about yourself that you are proud of. They can be small: “I help my mum at home,” “I keep my word,” “I can make people laugh.” Then write one label people have given you that you want to question. Ask yourself, “Is this really true, or is it just something I have heard many times?” Next week, we will continue with Self Concept and look at how it is built, and how you can rebuild it.
Why Start Learning This Now The picture you hold of yourself will follow you into every exam hall, friendship, and family conversation. A teen who believes “I can learn” tries again after failing. A teen who believes “I am hopeless” gives up before starting. Understanding your self concept early helps you challenge old labels, resist pressure from social media, and become more of who you truly are.
Question of the week: What is one label (good or bad) that people have placed on you that you now want to rethink? Send your answer to the email below, and it may be featured in our reader Q&A edition.
Dr Aisha Musa Auyo is an educational psychologist, consultant, relationship coach, and author of Between Hearts and Homes. Reach her at aishamuauyo@gmail.com.
