Regulating Emotions in Real Life
Hello, my dear teens!
Last week, we talked about emotional regulation. This week, let’s practise it where it counts: in real life.
Picture this. Your friend posts a group photo, and you weren’t tagged. Or your result comes back lower than you expected. Or a parent says something in front of your siblings that makes your face go hot. Your heart pounds, your thoughts race, and you want to react right now.
The pause between feeling and doing is where your power lives.
First, a feeling is not a command.
Think of a pot of rice on the fire. When the water starts to boil over, you don’t throw the pot away. You lower the heat. Strong emotions are the same. The feeling rises, and you get to decide what to do with the heat.
Three moments, three small tools
1. When you are angry or embarrassed: pause first.
Take one slow breath in through your nose and a longer one out through your mouth. Do it three times. Don’t send that message and don’t answer back yet. Anger fades fast, but words and screenshots stay.
2. When you are anxious (exams, speaking in class): name it.
Say quietly to yourself, “I am feeling nervous.” Naming the feeling calms the brain and makes it feel smaller. Then ask, “What is one small thing I can do now?” Maybe it is revising one topic or asking one question.
3. When you are hurt or left out: talk it out.
Find one trusted person, such as a parent, an elder sibling, a teacher, or a friend. Say, “I’m feeling sad about something and I need to talk.” Holding it in is heavy. Sharing makes it lighter.
Two traps to avoid
– Exploding: shouting, insulting, slamming doors, or posting in anger.
– Bottling up: pretending you are fine until it all spills out later, often on someone who did nothing.
The middle path is to feel it, pause, and respond with respect for yourself and others.
Why is this still hard?
Because your brain is still under construction. The part that helps you think before you act keeps developing into your twenties. So if you slip, you are not weak or bad. You are learning. Just try again, and be kind to yourself.
Try this today
Pick one situation that usually upsets you. Before you react, take three slow breaths and count to ten. Notice what changes. Next week, we will begin to understand Achievement Motivation.
Why Start Learning This NowExams will test you. Friendships will stretch you. Family expectations will press on you. Social media will tempt you to react fast. The earlier you learn to manage your feelings, the stronger and calmer you will be for whatever comes.
Question of the week: What is one situation that makes you react quickly, and what will you try differently? Send your answer to the email below.
Dr Aisha Musa Auyo is an educational psychologist, consultant, relationship coach, and author of Between Hearts and Homes. Reach her at aishamuauyo@gmail.com.
